So this year I'm finding sugar and making lemon aide!
2010 came in great! Had a good time with some friends on New Years eve, played a game or Pegs and Jokers. Kept it very low key. After a week of non-stop family over Christmas I needed low key in a bad way. Christmas with my sister was Marvelous! We hope to go to Mn this summer for a bit.
Lots of "new' things for 2010. JT is going back to school this semester for another certificate program. It's a two semester type thing I think and maybe will make him more valuable in the job field. He's also suppose to go out of town for a week right at the beginning of February which is not working out so well for us on all kinds of levels. I do not do well when he is out of town. It is hard enough to juggle everything when he is here and maintain my stress levels so that my health doesn't go wacko. I don't know how to do it well juggling fiances, my health and the kids health stuff.
I am planning on seeking out a pain management specialist for my pain issues. I think my doctor is maxing out what he can do for me. He has a limited understanding of fibromyalgia and he treats all my pain as if it is temporary like with a broken bone. Most of his information on fibro comes from drug Representatives pushing the latest greatest cure which is defiantly not a one size fits all treatment. Nothing going on with me is temporary and I need someone who recognises that and can help me manage it for the long haul. My chiropractor has been and is great but it's not realistic or affordable to go to him 3 to 5 times a week.
Xavier has gone 5 days without a pacifier all on his own!!!!!!! A week or so before he turned four I mentioned to him that when he was a big four year old that maybe he wouldn't need a paci anymore and he agreed. He decided that they should go to baby Sylus lol. I didn't think he'd follow through with it and the day he turned four he did ask for it at nap and I reminded him he was four now and said he wouldn't need them. He thought for a moment and then got sad because Sylus wasn't there to give them to, but he didn't want one. I swear this has been the easiest child on some of the hardest things. I love him to pieces. I am a little sad that he's growing up though.
Hannah has had a couple of concussions the last month. It's been suspected that she had a heart problem causing her to get dizzy and pas out and it was confirmed today that she does they just don't know how bad it is yet or what the exact triggers are. She has to go in for tests to purposely stress her heart to different levels in order to get different reactions, it's called a tilt test. They might actually give her medicine to cause her heart to race in order to get her to pass out. The problems have gotten a lot worse the last six to eight weeks and it's probably because of the enormous amount of stress she was under with school, since stress apparently is a known trigger. Public school has been a challenge for her to find her way in this year. She made some bad choices, which she is completely owning, but between that and her head/heart and not being able to think at all at some points, she failed four of her six online courses. She did pass both of her in building classes with an A. She has learned a terribly hard lesson with this about not putting things off and managing her time, which I know she will do much better of in the future. I feel really really bad for her though because she is/was beating herself up over knowing she was going to have to just let some classes go and fail them and then one she thought she passed it appears she failed. She worked really hard too and would not give up until she was sure she had at least passed and then she didn't.
Jason sat through his first dentist appointment in years without going ape shit, last month. I was very proud of him. He was definitely not a great patient with all the screaming of ouch but he got through it. Then they told me he needed braces and a cavity filled. He is not doing well with these ideas at all. He gets freaked at the mention of the dentist now and I fear what it will be like to have the cavity filled. He going to have to be heavily sedated for it. I'm really not sure we will be able to do the braces at all because for one he hates the idea so no insensitive to even be reasonable over them and two he is in pure panic mode over them. When he panics it is not pretty at all. He needs them fairly badly and soon but they are temporarily on the back burner until things with Hannah and myself are more stable. I can only deal with so much at once after all.
Hailey got a belated birthday present from my mother. A digital camera. It's pink and she is very happy with it. She's taken lots of pictures and has had me load them to the computer. I am a bit ticked that my mother spent $60 on it for her. She never does this for the other kids, and she's forgotten plenty of their birthdays, hell she forgets mine without so much as a phone call! I don't think a seven year old needs the $60, touch screen version of a digital camera just because it was pink! There are plenty of less expensive ones out there that she could have gotten her because odds are she is going to lose or damage it being that she is only seven. Hannah said my mom was guilt shopping and she's probably right. That's how my mom operates. One of the many reasons growing up with her was odd.
I haven't made any new years resolutions yet. I've made them in the past and they never get done. I find it better to operate under open ended goals. I'm hoping to manage my health better. I'm hoping to read a lot more to my kids. I'm hoping to get some really wonderful lessons involving lapbooks together for the younger kids. I plan on staying more on top of Hannah and her school work and teaching her to drive. I'd really like to get the station wagon back and fixed so it can be driven safely.
Monday, January 4, 2010
Monday, December 28, 2009
My best Christmas present
I spent my third Christmas with my sister this year. The first two I was a baby. This was memorable to say the least. It was perfect, wonderful and very jolly.
I hadn't seen my sister, Amy, in over 20 years. A long story short. There was a separation, mom took us on the train from Duluth MN to here in Ks. This was in 1975. She ended up not being able to get a divorce since it turned out the marriage wasn't legally married after all. They were very much hippies and apparently making sure the person who married you was actually legally able to do so wasn't a priority! Paul our dad (well not sure if he's mine or not), wanted us back. He eventually tracked us down and picked Amy up one day on the way to school and then called from Nebraska to tell mom he had her and was keeping her. That went over like a brick on fire. I saw my sister one more time when I was six or seven as my uncle drove a car by there place and I was told to wave at the people in the yard. We were in the area for a funeral and mom went to see them, told them her and I were moving out of the country. I don't ever remember being told who they were but Amy said I said "hi Amy" as I waived. I saw here next when I was 14 and ran away to MN. I was there about a month it ended badly, I'll leave it at that. I didn't speak to my sister again until about 4 years ago. Laws were very different back then and all of this was able to take place because neither parent had custody over the other. It was perfectly legal for either of them to take us at any point and the laws and courts simply wouldn't get involved.
This visit was the most monumental of monumental things. I really never ever thought something like this would happen. We clicked from the first moment, no awkward moments.
Imagine the most emotional, joyous and tear filled scene in any movie you have ever watched and you'll have a really good idea of what happened at the airport when we saw each other. JT videoed a bit of it but he let the camera fall asleep and it shut off!
The week has been a whirlwind of catching up. We looked at pictures and videos. We took pictures all the time. We talked about being little and together. We talked about all the crap we'd been told as kids and tried to patch together the truth. We baked and cooked a banquet of foods. we shopped and wrapped presents and drank together. I finally got to see my baby pictures and she got to catch up on a lifetime of all of my photos.
My nephew Alec is, 16, a blast and it appears he and Hannah share one half of a brain to make a whole. They are that perfect together. They hit it off from the very first second. Both are hyper, wired oddly, think way outside the box and love junk food like chocolate pie. They both also hate crowds of annoying people and have little Patience for being nice to people you just don't like at all even if they are related to you.
Christmas morning came and the tree had barfed up a room full of presents. Our mother even came over. It was a blast watching everybody open presents and seeing Amy react to the things we got her. We both went for sentimental. The kids all made out in amazing ways. Our kids got rock band as a group. The teens got MP3 players, video games and money! Hailey got her Barbie scooter and barbies, Xavier and Jason both got remote control trucks which was not planned lol. Everybody got clothes. JT gave me the Santa's workshop DVD and a very fluffy pink robe. I got him a membership to the local rocketry club and tools. My mom gave us a zoo membership. My sister gave me a very special necklace and I gave her a scrapbook and pictures of me growing up to start it with.
Christmas night was the huge family get together and command performance. Amy had never before met a lot of these people and had definitely never had the experience of a large family anything in her life. it was always just her and dad, maybe a friend or two. I only agreed to the circus for her benefit. I can't stand many of the the two faced, hypocritical family members. I've been much happier and stress free since we simply stopped going to extended family things. We all have been. It was truly hard to continue to bite my tongue that evening and I could have used some hard liquor! Great grandma was holding court and demanding to be the center of attention. she went so far as to be in a wheel chair that every single person agreed was just bullshit as she did not need one. she has a bad knee and one arm in a tight sling so walking isn't easy and she does need a cane for balance but not a damn wheel chair, and bright red at that! The kids were bored out of their minds. There isn't a toy or book anywhere in that house for them but there are tons of breakables and places they "aren't suppose to be". They also aren't suppose to be a part of the conversation or move from one spot ever. I sent them to the empty basement to at least be able to chill a bit. later I was told by my cousin the kids weren't suppose to be there. I told her if they couldn't be there we'd have to leave because they were terribly bored and overwhelmed by the wall to wall people upstairs and bored children will cause problems. She told everyone I was throwing a hissy fit (damn bitch). When Amy asked grandma (in front of everyone) if the kids weren't suppose to be down there, grandma said they were fine down there. So Amy proceeded to ask Becky if the kids could be down there what was the problem. She told her that her kids weren't to be going down there but wanted to because mine were. She wanted me to follow her parenting rules to make her parenting easier, this is why I hate getting together with this family and it is soooooo hard not to bite my tongue. Well we survived the night and Amy really did enjoy herself but said it was to crowded to really talk much with anyone.
The next day we did the big family picture that I set up. That was a bit of chaos in a ball wrapped with a big layer of happy, about to explode. There ended up being 24 of us and we finally got a picture that had all our eyes open and looking at the camera. Because of the snow storm several relatives didn't make it into town for the photo, oh well. Everybody ended up with at least one picture of the group to take home. We even purchased a copy of us where half of us were looking somewhere besides the camera just because it seemed so normal.
We took a million pictures and videos these past seven days. It all seems to have gone by to fast. The days ended much to soon. Nobody wanted to it to end. Hannah finally found family that she likes. Jason, Xavier and Hailey discovered the coolest aunt and cousin. Amy even taught Xavier to make a letter A which made him very very proud. A ton of tears were shed today as we got ready for the airport and even more while we were there. Hannah didn't go to the airport because she said it would make her cry. I know she cried anyway and just didn't want anyone to see it. I was a blubbering mess. You just can't squeeze a lifetime into a week and not be a mess at the end. I finally have my sister and It was like ripping off a part of me to say goodbye to her. For most of my life there has been this empty hole in me because I didn't have a relationship of any kind with my sister. Most of the time she was just a phantom concept. Now the hole is filled with love and joy and peace.
We are hoping to take a couple weeks and a car trip to Mn over the summer. They live on the North shore of lake Superior, beautiful country and lots of fun. Now to figure out how to afford it.
I hadn't seen my sister, Amy, in over 20 years. A long story short. There was a separation, mom took us on the train from Duluth MN to here in Ks. This was in 1975. She ended up not being able to get a divorce since it turned out the marriage wasn't legally married after all. They were very much hippies and apparently making sure the person who married you was actually legally able to do so wasn't a priority! Paul our dad (well not sure if he's mine or not), wanted us back. He eventually tracked us down and picked Amy up one day on the way to school and then called from Nebraska to tell mom he had her and was keeping her. That went over like a brick on fire. I saw my sister one more time when I was six or seven as my uncle drove a car by there place and I was told to wave at the people in the yard. We were in the area for a funeral and mom went to see them, told them her and I were moving out of the country. I don't ever remember being told who they were but Amy said I said "hi Amy" as I waived. I saw here next when I was 14 and ran away to MN. I was there about a month it ended badly, I'll leave it at that. I didn't speak to my sister again until about 4 years ago. Laws were very different back then and all of this was able to take place because neither parent had custody over the other. It was perfectly legal for either of them to take us at any point and the laws and courts simply wouldn't get involved.
This visit was the most monumental of monumental things. I really never ever thought something like this would happen. We clicked from the first moment, no awkward moments.
Imagine the most emotional, joyous and tear filled scene in any movie you have ever watched and you'll have a really good idea of what happened at the airport when we saw each other. JT videoed a bit of it but he let the camera fall asleep and it shut off!
The week has been a whirlwind of catching up. We looked at pictures and videos. We took pictures all the time. We talked about being little and together. We talked about all the crap we'd been told as kids and tried to patch together the truth. We baked and cooked a banquet of foods. we shopped and wrapped presents and drank together. I finally got to see my baby pictures and she got to catch up on a lifetime of all of my photos.
My nephew Alec is, 16, a blast and it appears he and Hannah share one half of a brain to make a whole. They are that perfect together. They hit it off from the very first second. Both are hyper, wired oddly, think way outside the box and love junk food like chocolate pie. They both also hate crowds of annoying people and have little Patience for being nice to people you just don't like at all even if they are related to you.
Christmas morning came and the tree had barfed up a room full of presents. Our mother even came over. It was a blast watching everybody open presents and seeing Amy react to the things we got her. We both went for sentimental. The kids all made out in amazing ways. Our kids got rock band as a group. The teens got MP3 players, video games and money! Hailey got her Barbie scooter and barbies, Xavier and Jason both got remote control trucks which was not planned lol. Everybody got clothes. JT gave me the Santa's workshop DVD and a very fluffy pink robe. I got him a membership to the local rocketry club and tools. My mom gave us a zoo membership. My sister gave me a very special necklace and I gave her a scrapbook and pictures of me growing up to start it with.
Christmas night was the huge family get together and command performance. Amy had never before met a lot of these people and had definitely never had the experience of a large family anything in her life. it was always just her and dad, maybe a friend or two. I only agreed to the circus for her benefit. I can't stand many of the the two faced, hypocritical family members. I've been much happier and stress free since we simply stopped going to extended family things. We all have been. It was truly hard to continue to bite my tongue that evening and I could have used some hard liquor! Great grandma was holding court and demanding to be the center of attention. she went so far as to be in a wheel chair that every single person agreed was just bullshit as she did not need one. she has a bad knee and one arm in a tight sling so walking isn't easy and she does need a cane for balance but not a damn wheel chair, and bright red at that! The kids were bored out of their minds. There isn't a toy or book anywhere in that house for them but there are tons of breakables and places they "aren't suppose to be". They also aren't suppose to be a part of the conversation or move from one spot ever. I sent them to the empty basement to at least be able to chill a bit. later I was told by my cousin the kids weren't suppose to be there. I told her if they couldn't be there we'd have to leave because they were terribly bored and overwhelmed by the wall to wall people upstairs and bored children will cause problems. She told everyone I was throwing a hissy fit (damn bitch). When Amy asked grandma (in front of everyone) if the kids weren't suppose to be down there, grandma said they were fine down there. So Amy proceeded to ask Becky if the kids could be down there what was the problem. She told her that her kids weren't to be going down there but wanted to because mine were. She wanted me to follow her parenting rules to make her parenting easier, this is why I hate getting together with this family and it is soooooo hard not to bite my tongue. Well we survived the night and Amy really did enjoy herself but said it was to crowded to really talk much with anyone.
The next day we did the big family picture that I set up. That was a bit of chaos in a ball wrapped with a big layer of happy, about to explode. There ended up being 24 of us and we finally got a picture that had all our eyes open and looking at the camera. Because of the snow storm several relatives didn't make it into town for the photo, oh well. Everybody ended up with at least one picture of the group to take home. We even purchased a copy of us where half of us were looking somewhere besides the camera just because it seemed so normal.
We took a million pictures and videos these past seven days. It all seems to have gone by to fast. The days ended much to soon. Nobody wanted to it to end. Hannah finally found family that she likes. Jason, Xavier and Hailey discovered the coolest aunt and cousin. Amy even taught Xavier to make a letter A which made him very very proud. A ton of tears were shed today as we got ready for the airport and even more while we were there. Hannah didn't go to the airport because she said it would make her cry. I know she cried anyway and just didn't want anyone to see it. I was a blubbering mess. You just can't squeeze a lifetime into a week and not be a mess at the end. I finally have my sister and It was like ripping off a part of me to say goodbye to her. For most of my life there has been this empty hole in me because I didn't have a relationship of any kind with my sister. Most of the time she was just a phantom concept. Now the hole is filled with love and joy and peace.
We are hoping to take a couple weeks and a car trip to Mn over the summer. They live on the North shore of lake Superior, beautiful country and lots of fun. Now to figure out how to afford it.
Friday, December 18, 2009
Feeling angry when I should be happy
I should be excited but I am just majorly stressed out right now. It's 6 days until Christmas and 4 days until my sister and nephew are here. Instead of wrapping up gifts or finishing the project for my sister or out looking at lights or even making cookies with the kids all I seem to have been doing is cleaning the house. I'm not having any fun and my house isn't even decorated to it's usual overdone self.
I am looking forward to seeing my sister but I feel like all my happy energy is just gone at this point. I really want to be selfish and just have it be me and her the whole time but I am having to share her with extended family that I don't even want to spend holidays with because they have treated me and my family like crap the last few years and are only being half way nice to me because they want to see Amy after 34 years. I understand that they want to see her but I'm still pissy at them over how they have treated us and the fact that they are kinda taking over Christmas day. It's a struggle not to just scream at them to leave me alone and stop telling me what's going to happen. The only reason I don't is because I know Amy wants to see them.
I'm feeling terribly overworked and under appreciated by JT and the kids. I feel like they use me as their personal cleaning and cooking service most days. despite my health and horrible pain levels I strive to always do things that put them first but it seems none of them do much of anything for me. They all leave food everywhere, can't get laundry into the hamper or trash into the can. None of them seem to know how to put a roll of toilet paper on, operate a broom, dish rag, washer or vacuum. I'm constantly on the kids to do the simple chores that they have every day and every day they give me crap and excuses about not doing them. They never ever do anything extra without a direct order. JT doesn't take care of anybody but himself and even that he doesn't always do without me telling him to. I don't get meals made for me or my dishes put in the sink. Nobody picks up my mess when I just hurt to much to move. My hobbies or even reading a book have to be squeezed in at the end of the day after I've done for everybody else and made sure all the kids are in bed and JT has had time to talk at me. We don't usually watch what I want on tv or listen to the music I'd like or even go to movies that are my first pick. I can't take a shower without being interrupted. I have to be completely responsible for all things medical and educational all the time. I'm also solely responsible for groceries, household things, and 90% of bills and budget. It's overwhelming, frustrating and depressing when nobody reciprocates anything I do in kind.
I've been so happily looking forward to this visit from my sister but now I'm afraid I'll just be angry at everybody else while she is here. This is the first Christmas we will have had together since I was a year and half old and she was 6. My mother hasn't had us in the same room with her in 33 years. When she was seven she was taken by her father. I saw her again when I was 14 for a few short weeks and we didn't talk again until about 4 years ago. It's only been in the last two years that we've become close. Every year, as a child, I asked Santa for my sister for Christmas and I never got her but this year I finally do. I don't want all this anger and frustration to surround this wonderful time. It's just very hard to not have it when I spend hours a day putting myself in pain just to clean up basic things that others could do but just won't!
I am looking forward to seeing my sister but I feel like all my happy energy is just gone at this point. I really want to be selfish and just have it be me and her the whole time but I am having to share her with extended family that I don't even want to spend holidays with because they have treated me and my family like crap the last few years and are only being half way nice to me because they want to see Amy after 34 years. I understand that they want to see her but I'm still pissy at them over how they have treated us and the fact that they are kinda taking over Christmas day. It's a struggle not to just scream at them to leave me alone and stop telling me what's going to happen. The only reason I don't is because I know Amy wants to see them.
I'm feeling terribly overworked and under appreciated by JT and the kids. I feel like they use me as their personal cleaning and cooking service most days. despite my health and horrible pain levels I strive to always do things that put them first but it seems none of them do much of anything for me. They all leave food everywhere, can't get laundry into the hamper or trash into the can. None of them seem to know how to put a roll of toilet paper on, operate a broom, dish rag, washer or vacuum. I'm constantly on the kids to do the simple chores that they have every day and every day they give me crap and excuses about not doing them. They never ever do anything extra without a direct order. JT doesn't take care of anybody but himself and even that he doesn't always do without me telling him to. I don't get meals made for me or my dishes put in the sink. Nobody picks up my mess when I just hurt to much to move. My hobbies or even reading a book have to be squeezed in at the end of the day after I've done for everybody else and made sure all the kids are in bed and JT has had time to talk at me. We don't usually watch what I want on tv or listen to the music I'd like or even go to movies that are my first pick. I can't take a shower without being interrupted. I have to be completely responsible for all things medical and educational all the time. I'm also solely responsible for groceries, household things, and 90% of bills and budget. It's overwhelming, frustrating and depressing when nobody reciprocates anything I do in kind.
I've been so happily looking forward to this visit from my sister but now I'm afraid I'll just be angry at everybody else while she is here. This is the first Christmas we will have had together since I was a year and half old and she was 6. My mother hasn't had us in the same room with her in 33 years. When she was seven she was taken by her father. I saw her again when I was 14 for a few short weeks and we didn't talk again until about 4 years ago. It's only been in the last two years that we've become close. Every year, as a child, I asked Santa for my sister for Christmas and I never got her but this year I finally do. I don't want all this anger and frustration to surround this wonderful time. It's just very hard to not have it when I spend hours a day putting myself in pain just to clean up basic things that others could do but just won't!
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Frustrations
JT job is really pissing me off and to an extent JT. He doesn't have an office, he has a van which he has to drive over 1/2 - 2/3 of the state on any given day (they have even tried to send him to other states). He can spend six to eight hours behind the wheel on a fairly normal day. This is because we are in a rural state where the companies customers are spread out all over the damn place. He services and repairs mostly computer registers for grocery and retail outlets. His company or more specifically his boss like to play a juggling game with his hours and overtime. Overtime happens in this job a lot. It's not created by slowness it's just the nature of the job. If you have to drive 2 - 3 hour to get to the store to work for 20 minutes on the equipment and then drive back and do other calls along the way or in town then you are going to have overtime. There is just so much a person can squeeze into 8 hours. The way calls operate is that they are dispatched and rated on importance from a 1 - 4 with 1 being immediate priority. Something with an immediate priority usually has a 3 - 4 hour repair clock ticking on it that begins when the store called it in. They have to make it to the store and complete the repair in that time. It's in the stores contract with the company and most of the stores can cancel the contract if the company misses something like more than 5% of those deadlines in a month. 2 and 3 level calls can have between 8 and 24 hours (can't remember the specifics), but if you get say two level 2s at the same store at the same time it ups it to a level 1 and changes the time frame. Level four are low priority and don't usually have a time but need to be done within a few days anyway. Stores can call in things anywhere from 7am to 11pm. If the whole register thing is down though they can call it in at anytime, like say 5am. There are only two guys to cover this territory and do this work. Well a third is sort of there but he's not on call and isn't trained on most of the stuff because his primary job is something else. Sometimes they even have to do other parts of the state because the contractors in those areas don't want to or can't do the job when it has to be done. Because of all these crazy time demands, contract obligations, two people doing it all, and all the distance to travel from place to place over time is unavoidable.
JT has been dispatched to call at 3:30 in the morning and 11:30 at night. He is on call for seven days in a row, twice a month, for after hours calls (6pm -8:30 am as well as every other Sunday).He only has 3 days off every 14 days. Sometimes a lot of overtime happens and sometimes hardly any happens. Overtime cost money and the company is all about the money. Since he started working for them they have tried all kinds of things to cut back on overtime despite the fact that when he was hired he was guaranteed overtime and in fact told he would be obligated to work it. His latest boss has decided that they must balance out all overtime by making them take days/hours off in whatever amount of overtime they rack up each week. This while still requiring them to be on call and take calls at night and weekends after their regular shifts.
It's pissing me off. JT shouldn't have to drop everything we are doing on a Sunday afternoon or a wed night to drive to Hays and back but then not get decent compensation for the interruption of his life by getting to keep that as overtime. He gets phone calls from his boss all the time on his "off days" that he doesn't get paid for either. It's not a minute or two either. He can have a couple of 15 - 20 minutes calls a day on his day off! His boss knows his days off but doesn't seem to respect them. The company has skipped out on bonuses and raises as well.
I'm mad at JT because he never even asked his immediate boss if this balancing thing was anew company thing or just a new policy of his boss. it makes a huge difference in the end. If it's company policy then it's just more ridiculousness from some nameless dud in Japan. If it's his bosses newest idea it is simply to make his boss look real good to his boss and get himself a raise or bonus all well screwing over the guys beneath him. His boss is known as a stickler for regulations and a tightwad so I really believe it's all to benefit him while screwing others. I'd like JT to just straight out ask. If it's a company policy thing then it will probably pass on by when it's shown not to work well or the financial quarter they are pinching pennies in passes. Limits on overtime have come down from the top before and passed pretty quickly. If it's all to benefit his boss then I think he should just say no to working beyond his scheduled 40 a week. He isn't getting any benefit for never being able to plan to do anything or dropping everything and int erupting our lives to go do something for his job. On call simply isn't worth it if you don't get decent compensation and treated in an appreciative manner for it. JT says it's pushing it to simply ask why and who decided that nobody could have beyond their 40 a week now. I think it's simply asking for clarification on a subject that is becoming a huge problem for those in the field. He also says if they just say no to working after hours then they will just have to start working weird shifts and weekend days to have coverage. I'd rather have that. With that at least we know when he is working and not working and there would be no more sitting on our butts not doing anything for fear that he would get a call or being woken up with 5am oe midnight surprise calls. He wouldn't have to quit watching a movie in the middle of a day off to go put in six hours of work. We could plan a life around his work even with a weird shift schedule. The only reason I haven't gone insane with the weird hours and dropping everything and having to explain to the kids why dad is not their yet again is because of the overtime pay that was paying our bills.
He can't exactly quit the job but I'm strongly encouraging him to keep looking for a new one and to beef up his resume so that he is more desirable to other companies. He does really good in this job, gets all kinds of pats on the back and has wanted to move up the line into higher positions.Sadly the company is treating him, as an employee, like shit when they insist he forget about having a life in order to serve the company and then want to take away the one thing that makes it a tiny bit worth it. Not to mention for all the praise they give him for doing so great they haven't given a raise and the bonuses they dangle in front of him as possible always seem to disappear around the time they were suppose to appear. It just doesn't inspire any company loyalty from employees.
JT has been dispatched to call at 3:30 in the morning and 11:30 at night. He is on call for seven days in a row, twice a month, for after hours calls (6pm -8:30 am as well as every other Sunday).He only has 3 days off every 14 days. Sometimes a lot of overtime happens and sometimes hardly any happens. Overtime cost money and the company is all about the money. Since he started working for them they have tried all kinds of things to cut back on overtime despite the fact that when he was hired he was guaranteed overtime and in fact told he would be obligated to work it. His latest boss has decided that they must balance out all overtime by making them take days/hours off in whatever amount of overtime they rack up each week. This while still requiring them to be on call and take calls at night and weekends after their regular shifts.
It's pissing me off. JT shouldn't have to drop everything we are doing on a Sunday afternoon or a wed night to drive to Hays and back but then not get decent compensation for the interruption of his life by getting to keep that as overtime. He gets phone calls from his boss all the time on his "off days" that he doesn't get paid for either. It's not a minute or two either. He can have a couple of 15 - 20 minutes calls a day on his day off! His boss knows his days off but doesn't seem to respect them. The company has skipped out on bonuses and raises as well.
I'm mad at JT because he never even asked his immediate boss if this balancing thing was anew company thing or just a new policy of his boss. it makes a huge difference in the end. If it's company policy then it's just more ridiculousness from some nameless dud in Japan. If it's his bosses newest idea it is simply to make his boss look real good to his boss and get himself a raise or bonus all well screwing over the guys beneath him. His boss is known as a stickler for regulations and a tightwad so I really believe it's all to benefit him while screwing others. I'd like JT to just straight out ask. If it's a company policy thing then it will probably pass on by when it's shown not to work well or the financial quarter they are pinching pennies in passes. Limits on overtime have come down from the top before and passed pretty quickly. If it's all to benefit his boss then I think he should just say no to working beyond his scheduled 40 a week. He isn't getting any benefit for never being able to plan to do anything or dropping everything and int erupting our lives to go do something for his job. On call simply isn't worth it if you don't get decent compensation and treated in an appreciative manner for it. JT says it's pushing it to simply ask why and who decided that nobody could have beyond their 40 a week now. I think it's simply asking for clarification on a subject that is becoming a huge problem for those in the field. He also says if they just say no to working after hours then they will just have to start working weird shifts and weekend days to have coverage. I'd rather have that. With that at least we know when he is working and not working and there would be no more sitting on our butts not doing anything for fear that he would get a call or being woken up with 5am oe midnight surprise calls. He wouldn't have to quit watching a movie in the middle of a day off to go put in six hours of work. We could plan a life around his work even with a weird shift schedule. The only reason I haven't gone insane with the weird hours and dropping everything and having to explain to the kids why dad is not their yet again is because of the overtime pay that was paying our bills.
He can't exactly quit the job but I'm strongly encouraging him to keep looking for a new one and to beef up his resume so that he is more desirable to other companies. He does really good in this job, gets all kinds of pats on the back and has wanted to move up the line into higher positions.Sadly the company is treating him, as an employee, like shit when they insist he forget about having a life in order to serve the company and then want to take away the one thing that makes it a tiny bit worth it. Not to mention for all the praise they give him for doing so great they haven't given a raise and the bonuses they dangle in front of him as possible always seem to disappear around the time they were suppose to appear. It just doesn't inspire any company loyalty from employees.
Thursday, November 5, 2009
School
Schooling kinda sucks around here. Sure we are having some good times but it's really been bumpy lately. We started out the years doing well. Hannah was really enjoying both the online classes and the classes at the high school. She was doing the work with very little prompting or nagging and I really didn't feel like I needed to check up on her a lot. The younger kids were really enjoying the seat work they asked for and we were doing some pretty cool units. As time has worn on though we seem to have hit a lot of pot holes. Homeschooling is a very hard job and I spend a lot of time thinking nothing I am doing is right.
Jason has meltdown fits more often than not over school work. Hailey needs me to guide her step by step through each letter she writes or group of objects she counts up on every paper. neither of them are big on following directions and then get really upset when something doesn't turn out right. They even skip numbers in dot to dots because they think they know what the pic is and then get mad when they were wrong! Xavier only wants to do the work they are doing which he can't because he hasn't got a clue about letters or words and that is what they are doing. I've given him workbooks over the same material and told him to go ahead and do it but then he gets mad because he doesn't know how and doesn't understand it. It would be funny if it weren't so hard to deal with his frustration and tears. A few good and memorable things have happened though. Jason read his first book out loud to me. Hailey has decided she really likes adding and she has picked up on phonic sounds without any particular help from me. Jason struggles a little with this and when he's having trouble with a letter sound or the many sounds a vowel can make she often pops up with the answer for him. Xavier has learned to do puzzles and candy Land really well plus he's got his colors and shapes down really well.
I wish I could find something nice to say about Hannah and school or even her in general really. it makes me sad that I can't.
Hannah stopped doing almost all of her online class work and was telling us she was doing it. She is about six weeks behind in most of her classes now. I found this out a couple weeks ago and there was a huge, mega huge blow up over it. I was furious and hurt that she would just lie to us like this. We were asking her all time how specific classes were going, did she need any help, doing anything interesting, have you finished your work for the day and such. She was just streaming us a crap load of lies. Then when I confronted her about the lies and told her how frustrated and hurt I was and wanted to know why she hadn't done any work and then lied about it, she told me it was all my fault as well as a few other things which she blamed me for. Oh yeah I was pissed and did things I'm not terribly proud of.
In the end we took away her social life, computer in the bedroom privilege and made her do school work at certain times in the kitchen where she could be seen doing it. I really thought this would be motivation to stop lying and just do the damn work. For two weeks she sat in the kitchen logged into her classes just not doing a damn bit of work! I really didn't think I would need to sit next to her and check up on her hourly to prevent her from lying more but apparently I was wrong. I've now had to set an hour by hour schedule of what class she works on when and she's literally working form 8am to 9 or 10 at night, plus Sat and Sun in order to get caught up. I have to go in and do check of what assignments in what areas have ben turned in every single day now. I absolutely hate this!!!! She's still making every excuse in the world as to why she can't do it, it doesn't work or she doesn't understand it. I'm really going to lose it one of these times and smack the crap out of her when she's having one of her little temper tantrums. It's not that she doesn't understand she just doesn't want to do the work, read the lessons, do the problems and then skip right to a quiz and get pissed that she doesn't know the answers. She has done this in all of her online subjects. She has become a horrible brat in so many ways I've actually looked at boarding school costs a few times. JT is very little help in any of this. He thinks I either over react or am being to harsh, he's not here to deal with it and when he is here he doesn't want to be bothered with dealing with it.
I'd let her just fail but it has no meaning to her. She doesn't care about passing or failing. She has no particular plans for college so a GPA means nothing to her. She also doesn't seem to care about having to repeat the classes. I've made it clear that at this point I am not going back to traditionally home schooling her so if she thinks that she'll get an easy diploma from me when she bombs public school, she's nuts.
Jason has meltdown fits more often than not over school work. Hailey needs me to guide her step by step through each letter she writes or group of objects she counts up on every paper. neither of them are big on following directions and then get really upset when something doesn't turn out right. They even skip numbers in dot to dots because they think they know what the pic is and then get mad when they were wrong! Xavier only wants to do the work they are doing which he can't because he hasn't got a clue about letters or words and that is what they are doing. I've given him workbooks over the same material and told him to go ahead and do it but then he gets mad because he doesn't know how and doesn't understand it. It would be funny if it weren't so hard to deal with his frustration and tears. A few good and memorable things have happened though. Jason read his first book out loud to me. Hailey has decided she really likes adding and she has picked up on phonic sounds without any particular help from me. Jason struggles a little with this and when he's having trouble with a letter sound or the many sounds a vowel can make she often pops up with the answer for him. Xavier has learned to do puzzles and candy Land really well plus he's got his colors and shapes down really well.
I wish I could find something nice to say about Hannah and school or even her in general really. it makes me sad that I can't.
Hannah stopped doing almost all of her online class work and was telling us she was doing it. She is about six weeks behind in most of her classes now. I found this out a couple weeks ago and there was a huge, mega huge blow up over it. I was furious and hurt that she would just lie to us like this. We were asking her all time how specific classes were going, did she need any help, doing anything interesting, have you finished your work for the day and such. She was just streaming us a crap load of lies. Then when I confronted her about the lies and told her how frustrated and hurt I was and wanted to know why she hadn't done any work and then lied about it, she told me it was all my fault as well as a few other things which she blamed me for. Oh yeah I was pissed and did things I'm not terribly proud of.
In the end we took away her social life, computer in the bedroom privilege and made her do school work at certain times in the kitchen where she could be seen doing it. I really thought this would be motivation to stop lying and just do the damn work. For two weeks she sat in the kitchen logged into her classes just not doing a damn bit of work! I really didn't think I would need to sit next to her and check up on her hourly to prevent her from lying more but apparently I was wrong. I've now had to set an hour by hour schedule of what class she works on when and she's literally working form 8am to 9 or 10 at night, plus Sat and Sun in order to get caught up. I have to go in and do check of what assignments in what areas have ben turned in every single day now. I absolutely hate this!!!! She's still making every excuse in the world as to why she can't do it, it doesn't work or she doesn't understand it. I'm really going to lose it one of these times and smack the crap out of her when she's having one of her little temper tantrums. It's not that she doesn't understand she just doesn't want to do the work, read the lessons, do the problems and then skip right to a quiz and get pissed that she doesn't know the answers. She has done this in all of her online subjects. She has become a horrible brat in so many ways I've actually looked at boarding school costs a few times. JT is very little help in any of this. He thinks I either over react or am being to harsh, he's not here to deal with it and when he is here he doesn't want to be bothered with dealing with it.
I'd let her just fail but it has no meaning to her. She doesn't care about passing or failing. She has no particular plans for college so a GPA means nothing to her. She also doesn't seem to care about having to repeat the classes. I've made it clear that at this point I am not going back to traditionally home schooling her so if she thinks that she'll get an easy diploma from me when she bombs public school, she's nuts.
Sunday, October 11, 2009
life is goooood
Tonight I sat at the table and ate dinner with my kids and hubby. I don't think I'll ever take that for granted again. The last month and a half have been a whirlwind of crazy around here and we all really missed eating together at the table, passing the food around and talking with each other. All the kids pitched in and helped set and clear the table and do the dishes as well.
Our home is back to just us now. I love my friends and I'm glad we could help the way we could. They are all glad to have their own spaces now and beds! I kinda miss the chaos but the silence this morning was nice. Despite all the problems and logistics issues I would do it again in a heartbeat.
The holidays are zooming in on me really really fast. I love the holidays. I am a craft and decorating nut. I go overboard to make between Oct 1st and Jan 1st a really special time for all of us. I'm kinda behind on that but catching up fast. I talked with the kids about the Thank giving menu tonight. Some of the Halloween decor is up. Hailey's Halloween birthday is in progress. Tonight I realized that I get to make Christmas stocking for may sister and Alec. Every time I think of them coming I melt with joy, sometimes I cry with happiness.
This week is dedicated to sewing, baking and crafting. I have a ton of sewing projects to get going and a lot of craft/decorating things to do. On Friday is JT birthday and the kids and I will be making him lasagna and cake for his day. We'll do a few other things but I can't mention them in case he reads this LOL. I want to make him really happy this birthday. He has put up with so much stress and invasion recently he deserves it.
Life is really good and I hope I never take that for granted again.
Our home is back to just us now. I love my friends and I'm glad we could help the way we could. They are all glad to have their own spaces now and beds! I kinda miss the chaos but the silence this morning was nice. Despite all the problems and logistics issues I would do it again in a heartbeat.
The holidays are zooming in on me really really fast. I love the holidays. I am a craft and decorating nut. I go overboard to make between Oct 1st and Jan 1st a really special time for all of us. I'm kinda behind on that but catching up fast. I talked with the kids about the Thank giving menu tonight. Some of the Halloween decor is up. Hailey's Halloween birthday is in progress. Tonight I realized that I get to make Christmas stocking for may sister and Alec. Every time I think of them coming I melt with joy, sometimes I cry with happiness.
This week is dedicated to sewing, baking and crafting. I have a ton of sewing projects to get going and a lot of craft/decorating things to do. On Friday is JT birthday and the kids and I will be making him lasagna and cake for his day. We'll do a few other things but I can't mention them in case he reads this LOL. I want to make him really happy this birthday. He has put up with so much stress and invasion recently he deserves it.
Life is really good and I hope I never take that for granted again.
Friday, September 25, 2009
just stuff
So I thought I'd right how life is going along with a few gripes. Kim if you read this or have it read to you DO NOT TAKE IT PERSONALLY, if I was really upset at you I'd talk to you about it without a problem :) Oh and Danielle mind your own damn buisness!
So far my plan of a bit of regular schooling for Jason and Hailey, everyday, has worked out well. They really look forward to it and like it a lot. Of course they only like it for about an hour a day so that what we do of formal stuff. Xavier is right their in the middle of it with us. They particularly like the series of Magic Tree House books we've been reading through. Hailey is diving right into math and Jason is really reading well. It's a bit odd doing math with Hailey because she can not count in sequence beyond 11. She tries and tries but simply has not been able to get it. Jason has suddenly had a light bulb go on with words and reading. He's really enjoying discovering that he can in fact read lots of things. He's doing well in math to but it seems to bore him a bit right now. He's not much for repetative work on something he thinks he knows unless it's very short and simple.
Hannah is doing very well balancing her two schools. I think she could be doing better but that is probably just my mom high standards thinking that. I tend to hold her to pretty high standards without really realizing it. Her hardest class is her Honors History followed closely by her French. It's nice watching her be independent of me. Of course I have issues with a lot of her classwork, I would do things differently if I were in charge but I'm moving past that. I have had issues with the public school but after a letter and a few phone calls things are straightened out. Tomorrow night She goes to the homecoming dance, she has a date she is meeting there and she's wearing a real semi formal dress and shoes.
I've been dealing with a lot of pain. Back, neck, head and tooth to name just some. The neck has sent me to the ER twice and the tooth now has a partial root canal that I have to finish next week. I've also been doing PT, injections and had an MRI done for the neck. The physical therapist thinks it might be a pinched nerve, perhaps by a disk and the doctor suspects it might be as well. Not fun, but thisa is how my life goes. The older I get the worse my body gets. I don't like it one bit. It's not fair to live in a constant state of pain that very few people ever really and truly understand. Most simply don't believe the pain is what it is and that sucks even more.
We still have a ton of people living with us. I am really stressed with it for a whole lot of reasons. At times I feel like I am a mother to a handful of overgrown teenagers who perpetually act like they are 15 year olds just hanging out! That part is the absolute most frustrating and it bring me to a boiling point often. JT had a serious man to man talk with Jensen about getting a job, which means he has to actually look for one. It worked for a day! He's 21 has a child and is still acting like a child waiting for everybody to tell him how and when to do things. He sits on the couch all day playing on the computer, watching movies and chatting with Tessa, who is also behaving like she's about 15. They do nothing around here, not even pick up after themselves. Tessa leaves pop cans and her pill bottles all over the damn place. I know this situation is temporary and will pass but in the meantime I may go postal on some asses. I know it's temporary because JT is not going to allow it to go on for to much longer without giving ultimatums. I'm nice and I will wait an eternity for people to get their shit together but he is not. A few days has now turned into almost a month and another family. Oh and while I am griping, what the fuck is up with two toddlers going through a gallon of milk in twelve hours!? That is fucking insane and way to expensive for me. Ok gripe over, nobody take it personal. If I wanted people to take it to heart I'd tell you myself.
So far my plan of a bit of regular schooling for Jason and Hailey, everyday, has worked out well. They really look forward to it and like it a lot. Of course they only like it for about an hour a day so that what we do of formal stuff. Xavier is right their in the middle of it with us. They particularly like the series of Magic Tree House books we've been reading through. Hailey is diving right into math and Jason is really reading well. It's a bit odd doing math with Hailey because she can not count in sequence beyond 11. She tries and tries but simply has not been able to get it. Jason has suddenly had a light bulb go on with words and reading. He's really enjoying discovering that he can in fact read lots of things. He's doing well in math to but it seems to bore him a bit right now. He's not much for repetative work on something he thinks he knows unless it's very short and simple.
Hannah is doing very well balancing her two schools. I think she could be doing better but that is probably just my mom high standards thinking that. I tend to hold her to pretty high standards without really realizing it. Her hardest class is her Honors History followed closely by her French. It's nice watching her be independent of me. Of course I have issues with a lot of her classwork, I would do things differently if I were in charge but I'm moving past that. I have had issues with the public school but after a letter and a few phone calls things are straightened out. Tomorrow night She goes to the homecoming dance, she has a date she is meeting there and she's wearing a real semi formal dress and shoes.
I've been dealing with a lot of pain. Back, neck, head and tooth to name just some. The neck has sent me to the ER twice and the tooth now has a partial root canal that I have to finish next week. I've also been doing PT, injections and had an MRI done for the neck. The physical therapist thinks it might be a pinched nerve, perhaps by a disk and the doctor suspects it might be as well. Not fun, but thisa is how my life goes. The older I get the worse my body gets. I don't like it one bit. It's not fair to live in a constant state of pain that very few people ever really and truly understand. Most simply don't believe the pain is what it is and that sucks even more.
We still have a ton of people living with us. I am really stressed with it for a whole lot of reasons. At times I feel like I am a mother to a handful of overgrown teenagers who perpetually act like they are 15 year olds just hanging out! That part is the absolute most frustrating and it bring me to a boiling point often. JT had a serious man to man talk with Jensen about getting a job, which means he has to actually look for one. It worked for a day! He's 21 has a child and is still acting like a child waiting for everybody to tell him how and when to do things. He sits on the couch all day playing on the computer, watching movies and chatting with Tessa, who is also behaving like she's about 15. They do nothing around here, not even pick up after themselves. Tessa leaves pop cans and her pill bottles all over the damn place. I know this situation is temporary and will pass but in the meantime I may go postal on some asses. I know it's temporary because JT is not going to allow it to go on for to much longer without giving ultimatums. I'm nice and I will wait an eternity for people to get their shit together but he is not. A few days has now turned into almost a month and another family. Oh and while I am griping, what the fuck is up with two toddlers going through a gallon of milk in twelve hours!? That is fucking insane and way to expensive for me. Ok gripe over, nobody take it personal. If I wanted people to take it to heart I'd tell you myself.
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