In just a few short hours I will be officially 35 years old. I am not typically one to embrace turning another year older. This year is different, I am trully pretty happy to celebrate 35 years on the planet. I feel at peace and happy with it, maybe even rejuvinated.

I can't say life has hit some magical moment where all is so good that I just cna't help but be happy about my birthday, cause my life is far from magical. I seem to have more than my share of crappy days, crabby days, shitty days, WTF moments and how the hell do I fix this moments. Sometimes it feels like those outnumber the happy, peaceful, calm and carefree days and moments but I do enjoy my life for the most part. I'd love to be in a lot better health than I am at 35 but I'm not, I can't really change my health so I'm trying hard to accept it and the limitations it puts on my life.

I'm big into trying to accept and make the best of things lately, maybe that is why I am happily embracing 35. You can't realistically fight or ignore age so might as well get happy about it and find the good things in it.

I threw myself a nice party just last night and I was so happy to see everyone who came. It wasn't a party that will go down in the top ten of greatest parties but it was good anyway. People had fun, food, lots of drinking and a big fire. Someday I will throw one of those top ten best parties ever. Those kinds of parties where someone ends up dancing half naked (or all the way), or you end up shooting fireworks at each other, or you end up outside singing so loudly and badly the neighbors threaten make you shut up. I did those kind of parties when I was younger and I will again someday, I think LOL. I may be aging but my mind and spirit are definately not getting old!!!!

So here's to a great 35 years on the planet. I'm hoping to have at least another 35 years.

for moms of teens

This is far from politically correct and very raw. Enjoy it with a drink and pass it along.



Hello,

my name is mom, I will be your tour guide through the teen years. Other names you will know me as are bitch, cunt, witch and of course there is mommy, always applied when you would like me to bend over and take it up the ass for you again! Along this journey you will learn that there is no fair involved. Fair is what you pay for a bus or taxi ride it does not apply to our relationship. I am not you friend or equal do not ever forget that. There may be times when I grant you permission into my adult world but make no mistake about it, as you guide and mother I am always in charge.

As your mother I do not have to appear reasonable, sane or even kind to you at any given moment. As a matter of fact If I ever start to seem kind, reasonable and sane for any more than say a day, be very, very suspicious. You as a teen are very good at being suspicious and dramatic. It is one of your best and most common qualities, so work hard and don't let the the other teens down by ever acting any different.

As your mother I also reserve the right to make what appear to be completely arbitrary and unjust decisions regarding you. As a teen I fully expect you to frequently claim that I don't care, that I am not fair (remember that is for the bus darling), that it is all my fault, heck I'm even anticipating some you don't love me or you hate me statements (if I hated you then you really wouldn't have lived this long). As your guide and mother and once having been a teen I know these are all bullshit so I promise to try really hard not to take them any more personally than when you leave your crap all over the house for everyone else to deal with.

As your mother it is my job to love you, to worry about you, to be in your buisness, to help you grow into a strong, independant, well rounded and functioning adult who has wise judgement and can make sound decisions. This is not an easy job and the pay does suck. I will complain often about it, as is my right. It is not my job to coddle you, let you wear blinders or pat you on the back and congradulate you for being a dumbass. You will frequently be told such thing as "tough people in hell want ice water now get over it". This is because I love you more than all the stars in the sky but you are being a dumbass.

Well to Hell or rather I mean Life have a nice tour!!!!!!!!

Just letting the frustrations fly

I know I've blogged about JT company, the taxes and money issues before but it's just getting worse. I'm the one taking the hit for thier mistakes. Every single time he speaks to HR he is assured the problem is going to be taken care, the money will be returned blah blah blah. JT is really not good at remaining on top of things, being forcefull or even fully understanding what needs to be done at point A in order for point B to happen. Since it's his company I have to sit back and watch him not get things done. Last week he was promised that the taxes would be returned ASAP and possibly within a few days and that the whole tax form mess was now fixed. Ok so I wait paitently and by Wed nothing so I ask if he might contact them again to see what going on and such. He does call and is told that the person will look into it and get back to him. A couple calls later and this afternoon he's told he has to do a paper copy of the forms with his signature and get it back to them before they can do anything with the back taxes. WTF. Nobody mentioned this in the dozen of previous calls he made , not once. Last week he was promised it was fixed and he'd be getting the money back right away. Today they act as if it's his problem to fix and not thiers. I don't think we are ever going to see that money. He yealls at me for complaining to him that he's not staying on top of this and insisting to talk to someone that can do something about the problem they caused. Well hell it's only about a $1000 were talking about, no big deal, my mistake for thinking it might be important enough to get mad over! The more I think about it the angrier with him I am getting.

I just want to cry. I'm taking the kids to get a fucking Fathers Day present for JT because it's important to them not to let him down. This is the same idiot that didn't have them get me a damn thing for Mothers Day, he didn't even plan anything for them to do with or for me. While I'm squeezing money out for his gift I'm trying frantically to figure out how to have enough money to still have my birthday party (which I am throwing and planning all by myself because he's not interested enough). I look forward to a birthday party with friends all year long and I wanna do it nice and right. I don't want ot cancle it but it's on the might have to list.

I shouldn't be angry at JT as he didn't cause this problem but really I am. He doesn't even seem to care that once again if something has to go it's gonna be something for me. He just accepts it as if someone told him the price of gas went up again. I guess he just expects me to be the one always giving up and doing without, now it's normal.

Ok rant over. Off to perform a another mirical with money.

Parenting I just don't understand

I read a lot of debate boards and I probably shouldn't because they just end up pissing me off a lot.

I was reading a topic on a stay at home vs working mom board (very hostile place to be) on the topic of who has a needs for outside summer care for thier tweens and young teens and should they be alone for long periods of time durning the day if they can't be supervised and have thier days structured.

Ok first off how the hell is it not a no brainer that work status plays the defining role in if the average family is going to actually need outside care for a child (of any age) that they don't feel should be left alone. I mean really in one group parents are going to be gone for 8 - 10 hours a day to work so they simply can't be the one there caring for thier kids. In the other group it is the parents job to stay home and care for the kids. The parents working outside the house have a need for outside care while the parents staying home have no need. Of course it is based on if you go away to work or not. I think people have forgotten how the heck to tell a difference between a need and a want. If a SAHP signs thier kids up for all summer daycamp because they want to do other things in the summer but don't want to either include the kid or don't eant the kids home alone then it is a want not a need. This seems so simple to me to put a yes or no answer to but thousands of post on this tell me maybe I just have to much common sense.

Some of the parents were arguing that all the parents they knew (working or SAH) sent thier kids to camps and signed them up for lots of activities to avoid having down time because children needed thier days structured all the time, even in the summer. I used to think it was just a random parent here and there that though thier 12 - 16 year old kids had to have every moment of every day formally structured and planned out. Now I am thinking I'm the odd parent out for not thinking this way.

This seems like such a crule way to raise children. Kids a generation (or two or three) ago didn't need all this structure and direct supervision at all times (especially by miidle school). Yeah camps can be fun for kids who actually like them. In general kids don't care for any kind of camps that are forced on them five days a week for 8 - 10 hours a day. It really really loses it fun nature by that point. Same goes for ubber little activities (golf, swim lessons, tennis training, tutoring, art classes, nature classes)that a parent may insist upn filling thier childs day with in order to provide all that stucture. Camp and classes used to be something you maybe got to do for a week or so in the summer if you were lucky and really wanted to. Summer used to be a time when kids could relax from structure, do their own things, enjoy a lot of pretty lazy days, wake up in the morning without a schedual and a day planned by the clock. Even kids whos parents worked didn't live with the ubber structure I am seeing parents of today put their kids through. I really don't think in the last 20 -30 years kids have changed so much they they can't function for a couple months without being on a schedual that tells them when to eat, when to pee and when to play. I think parenting has changed a lot though.

Parents have gone insane trying to cover thier childs evry waking moments with something for them to do. They do this from babyhood on up through college practically. There are classes parents can take to help them learn to schedual thier babies playtime more effectivly! They live in fear of what will happen if thier kids spend days deciding what to do and when to do it. They fear that it will be watching movies, playing video games, playing outside unsupervised or heck even just spending hours laying about with a good book. To me this sounds like heaven but for a a whole lot of parents it is terrifying. To have down time, enjoy something of your chosing without schedualing it, to in general enjoy the lazy days of summer means thier kids will get into trouble, turn out bad, or rot thier brains. To me it means my kids are learning independance, how to entertain themselves, how to manage their own time, how to fix mistakes they make on thier own and the joy of having a slow do nothing day. These things are so important. Sure as kids get older having a lot of time to do things of their chosing, especially if they have no adult home for a large amount of time regularly, can mean they get into trouble and do some stupid stuff and some really stupid stuff. Of course sometimes the best learning lessons come when we get into trouble and do stupid stuff. There is also a happy balance to be found between having every waking moment planned out for you and being allowed to run wild with no checks and balances. You don't have to go to either exteem to raise healthy happy kids. If I had to chose though, I'd go with the let run wild. I'd rather my kids have the freedom to make mistakes and learn from them, than chance that they don't have enough freedom to learn to make decisions and mistakes for themselves. I want my kids to function well in all kinds of situations as adults not stumble because someone told them to use thier own judgement, decision making and planning skills and they really had none to use. Anyone can learn to follow a schedual fairly quickly and easily (liking it is another story), but learning to use your own judgement well and effectivily is a practiced skill that you build on with time and experience. If you have always had everything planned out for you and told what to do then you can't just suddenly have good judgement and decsin making skills because someone says it is now part of life.

Todays parents seem ubber screwed up at times. Not saying I'm perfect but so many parts aren't parenting at all. They are planning and schedualing. It's just not good for the kids. Sure people (including kids) like to know what is going to be happening but not down to the minute and kids like adults really do like to do the planning of thier own time. Summer should be a kids own time as much as possible.

Freaking stupid ass damned unnamed company

For four pay periods JT company has royally screwed up his paycheck. Overtime and oncall/standby pay has simply been missing, and worse they have messed up his tax rate and are taxing him at a single rate with no dependants! I am so mad and frustrated I could easily call them up and scream every god damn curse word I know or hae ever made up at them, but it would not make things any better. It would probably make things worse.

Despite phone calls and emails where the HR department has taken the blame for the tax mess up and promised to fix it and refund him the missing taxes, nothing has been done. He doesn't have a local HR or even a local office to go to and get to the bottom of this. It was $400 dollars in taxes this paycheck (and almost as much in t he previous ones), that's our grocery money and so much more! The HR department has even taken the blame and promised to correct it in writting and still they don't!

Then there is the ovetime and stand by pay. His boss has to approve this, he's had to fight for some of it, and then his boss has just not approved some of it in time for payroll. If it's not approved it doesn't go on the paycheck. Some of the missing overtime was on this paycheck but who could tell with all the damn taxes taken out.

I am so sick of this. I can't budget for anything. We had to go over the bank account last time to just cover bills and very basic groceries because the money he earned wasn't there. Between uber taxes and the overtime and standby pay not being there it was a very small paycheck. His company sure as hell isn't picking up the tab for the overdraft fees even though it's there fault. This one was suppose to be a big one where all the mistakes were fixed and the missing money was there. It didn't happen. Now I'm left juggeling bills, deciding what I can put off to pay, which is nothing, so the lack of $ means the household budget takes the hit! This means no extras like Jasons shoes, a working vacumn, gas for the van, Fathers Day and birthday stuff, probably even produce and cereals. I see a lot of beans and pasta again. Not that those are bad food but 5 - 6 times a week means nobody really enjoys them anymore.

Stupid company better be damn glad they don't have a local office because I'd probably going insainly postal on there asses over this. Really I want to cry trying to figure out how to budget with money that simply isn' there.......again.

Xaviers allergies

A few weeks ago we started another food trial with Xavier. We added dairy and soy back into his diet. We have still kept peanuts from him but I may be brave and try them soon.

So far we have only seen some minor negative effects with the dairy and we can't be certian that it was from the dairy. Once he ate macaroni and cheese and then a few hours later had really bad gas and he's had some other minor tummy problems as well a time or two but not directly tied to anything he ate. It's very hard to say if it's the dairy or not, but I lean towards not. He's been eating pretty much anything he wants but we are still keeping him on soy and rice milks (he's doing wonderfully with soy milk now). I'm a little concerned that the allergy has morphed into lactose intollerance and since direct dairy, especially milk is a big problem causer for that I feel better keeping him with the soy or rice. Really he only drinks a cup of milk once in awhile and then uses it on cereal so it's not a big thing at all.

He is really confused by being allowed to eat some things now and he simply won't do more than taste anything with cheese in it. He got really really good at knowing what was and was not safe and remebering to ask before he ate something new. Now we are telling him to try the things that we said weren't safe and he's more than a bit confused. Cheese is a big thing because it's so visable, that and the type of butter. He knows he wasn't allowed anything with cheese and tht he even had a special butter. Now to be told to eat the cheese and use the other butter, well it's caused more than one arguement over safe foods with him. I haen't been able to convince him to take more than a bite of something with cheese on it yet. I don't know if it's because he doesn't like the taste or he's afraid I'e lost my mind and he's going to get sick.

I had really given up hope that he would ever outgrow the allergies since most kids who do, do it by the age of two and he's 3 1/2. Just a few months ago we did a small food trial and he was reacting pretty badly so I expected the same this time around. I really am relieved that he seems to have moved away from the allergy part. I'm holding my breath a bit though because one of the biggest secondary allergy effects from dairy is fluid build up in the ears which leads to ear infections and hearing loss. He's had big problems with this in the past and it doesn't show up right away, sometimes takes weeks for the build up to be bad enough and have enough bacteria growth to show an infection. He had sever hearing loss at one point from this that they could not tell me if it would be perminate or not. I still don't know how much hearing loss he has, but it's much bette than before. if the ear infections show up he will be back off all dairy again for awhile. I can't hae hime going through those over a food.

So eerybody keep your fingers crossed and do a quiet little happy dance that he really has outgrown the allergy. We can sooooo live with lactose intollerance over the allergy.

Vaccation Bible school

I am not an organized religion person. I think of myself as Christian but I'm sure others would strongly disagree with me. I was raised Christian. My grandfather (closest I ever had to a father) was a minister. I developed my faith from him but he died befpre I really got strong enough to start questioning that faith. I wish he was around because I am certian he could have given me the feedback I need at times when I question all faiths or if there even is a God. I have days, many days, where I trully don't think there is a GOD as in the one that the christian faith believes in. Lately I've been seriously questioning the existance of Jesus as more than just a person. I haven't believed the bible is more than an amusing collection of twisted stories put together to suit the church, for a very long time. I do believe that parts of it have a basis in reality, but parts of it are way to off the wall insane to think they were put in there for any reason other than to control certian parts of the population.

I don't tell my young kids this though, or even much of it to Hannah. I really don't want to taint thier views either way. When they have questions I answer them. I also let them participate in faith based actiities that they chose to, with some restrictions. The last two summers Hailey and Jason have done VBS programs. Hannah did many of these, church summer camps and went to church regularly for a long time. I'm starting to wonder how wise the VBS idea is for them though. Last year I was hesitant but they went to a program at the church we used to attend. I left it because of political differences not because of the message being sent. Some very good friends were helping to run it and I knew what program they were using. I even stayed most of the time because the kids wanted me to. Even in that situation though we ended up with some confusing ideas coming from the messages. Things were said, things were misunderstood, kids didn't realise they were misunderstanding so they didn't ask questions. I had to striaghten a few things out. At the time it made me mad and I considered not letting them do it again. I think I forgot about all that over time because I've let them go to another one this year and we have problems.

Hailey and Jason have gone to a VBS at a church in or nieghborhood that is nondenominational and I'm sort of aquainted with. I felt comfortble letting them go. It only happens one evening a week. This last week when I picked up the kids Jason was trying to memorize a bible verse to say for some prize. That was a tiny bit annoying because I don't think children should be memorizing verses for the sake of memorizing, they learn and understand nothing that way. I let it go because he didn't seem bothered by it. then on the way home I was walking and talking with Hailey. She was telling me what they did and what she "learned". She is terribly afraid of storms, tornados in particular. She told me that during the last big storm when she was so scared that she should have prayed to God and he would have stoped the storm. This set of warning bells for me so I asked her why she thought that becuase it wasn't true. She told me it was, her teacher told her it was. Speifically that if when you are really scared, like during a storm, if you pray to God and ask him to stop it he will. I could have dropped this but it angered me. I spent my whole childhood praying to God to stop the bad things happening to me and nothing ever stopped. I did it because various church people and clasess told me to, whennothing ever came of it I alway thought i wasn't worthy or had done something to cause the bad things and God wanted it that way. No way in Hell I'm gonna let my kids go through life thinking "God" takes away the bad things because somtime they are going to ask something of God and it's not going to happen, then what? I told Hailey that her teacher was very wrong, God doesn't take away bad and scary things because you ask. I tried to explain faith and spiritual strength but she was clearly upset. She asked me if I even believed in God. When I told her sometimes I do and sometimes I don't she cried and said she couldn't like me anymore because I didn't believe in God. That was a real hold the freaking presses moment. Not only wasn't I going to let her start thinking a prayer was going to make bad things go away I also wasn't going to let her start detemining who she could or couldn't like based on what the hell they believed in! Some of mine and her best friends have no belief in God at all. That was another heated conversation where I was trying hard not to come across as angry but I think I failed. I was not angry at Haiey, I hurt for her confusion, I was angry at the church for helping plant these crappy ideas in her head. JT had to have us table it for awhile. I did manage to tell her that it isn't right to like or not like a person for not believing in something you did and if she wanted to believe in God she could but that didn't mean anybody else had to and she could talk to me about God anytime she wanted, even read the bible. Unfortunatly Jason saw the writting on the wall and started crying that I wasn't going to let them go back. He had a really good time, took nothing of the religiouis message with him, but liked the kids crafts and snacks. This is major for him because he never wants to be with other kids. I feel badly for him. I haven't said they can't go again but I really really want to. I also really really want to go chew out the VBS staff.

I'm still not sure what I'm going to do because letting them go or not isn't cut and dried to me. For JT I thik itis easier, he'd not let them go and not think twice about it, certianly no guilt over it. Me on the other hand I would feel guilt. They enjoy the activities and other kids a lot. It's only for and hour and a half once a week. Then there is the twisted, confusing and wrong message they are getting from it. Well actually it just seems to be Hailey not Jason. That confused interpretation of faith is the biggest part of why I am not a part of any organized religion. Of course without exposer to organized religions you can't really make a good decision on if you want to be apart of one or not. Why can't they just stick with the jesus love you song and crafts at VBS? Really why do they need to give inappropriate and wrong messages to little kids? I might just forget that it's VBS day this wendsday, they might forget to. Of course there is the other churches VBS coming up that they already know about and are really looking forward to because they did "cool" things there last year. If I keep forgetting about these thigs I think they are going to catch on that I'm avoiding them. I suppose I can have a lot more talks with the kids about what I believe vs what aothers beliee and how we just don't judge or condem anyone based on a belief we disagree with. Then I can just let the chips fall where they may. I'm not sure that's any better than avoiding the issue though. No matter what I do I am gonna have guilt and worry issues in a big way.

Next year no VBS at all. I'm tired of going through this mental crap. We will just always be to busy LOL.

No more chores

Yesterday was a very frustrating day for me. I was yelling and nagging a lot at the kids because they weren't taking responsibilty for putting there own things away. I had asked Hannah three times in the morning to put her bedding back on her bed from the sleepover the night befor and it never happened. I told Jason and Hailey to pick up there room and they fought and fought so I had to get in there with them. Jason had his bedding and pillows all over the room again and Hailey had taken out a ton of toys and things form under her bed and then just left them on the floor mixed in with laundry. I'd had enough. Jason and Hannahs bedding was removed as well as all the clothes Hannah had wadded in her dresser drawers that were all open and about to fall out (did I mention she had just had me take her to the mall), and the big pile of mess Hailey had made were all taken away. I figured if they weren't going to take better care of it than that, then they really could stand to miss it for awhile.

Days like yesterday happen more and more often around here. All the big kids have chores that take somewhere between 5 and 15 minutes a day to do. No a a lot really but it keeps them participating in the daily upkeep of the house which I feel is a family responsibilty and is important to me. Sadly in order to get the kids to do the chores or really anything I do a lot of reminding, nagging and yelling. Over the years I've tried different things from money to charts to get the kid to do the chores and take care of thier things without me nagging, yelling and reminding them all the time. Nothing has worked. My goal is to get them to see a mess and pick it up, put thier own things away and in general learn to take care of the house as a family, but it hasn't been working out to well. After yesterday I decided to look at it differently and make everything optional fo them with some good and bad consequenses attached, because everything in life has consequences. I decided to make most of the millions of things they think are must have, but are really extras, become optional as well. I worked up a chart of a couple dozen household things that get done every day around here and a chart of extra things like computer, movies, play station, chaufering, sleepovers, earning stuff back and such. Everything has points assigned to it to either earn or use. I also listed a few basic things that might cause someone to lose points like not picking up after themselves or not doing something that was asked of them. It's now completely up to each child if they wish to do anything at all in the way of household stuff.If they don't work for the points thoguh they won't have points to get things back, do the extra fun things or have me do extra things for them. Each of them has a chart for the week and we are going to try this for a month to see if it improves things around here some.

This morning I called all the kids together and told them they had no more chores. Jason and Hailey shouted for joy, Hannah looked skeptical and sort of like she thought I'd lost my mind. Then I expained my plan and why. They asked a bunch of questions and overall seemed to be ok with the plan. I figured they might pick a couple things on the list to do and then stop until they actually wanted to do something they needed points for. They have suprised me by doing almost everything on the list already this morning. Hailey wanted to do more but ran out of things she could do. Jason is loving the points becuase he wants the most lol. Hannah hasn't complained and has just been doing stuff, of course she has the most need for points since she is the one that has the most wants. Since Hailey and Jason can't really read the lists on thier own it has been annoying to have to constantly read what needs to be done for them but I'll take that over yelling and nagging any day.

I hope this works. Jason is once agian adding his points up and deciding what to do with them lol.