Parenting I just don't understand

I read a lot of debate boards and I probably shouldn't because they just end up pissing me off a lot.

I was reading a topic on a stay at home vs working mom board (very hostile place to be) on the topic of who has a needs for outside summer care for thier tweens and young teens and should they be alone for long periods of time durning the day if they can't be supervised and have thier days structured.

Ok first off how the hell is it not a no brainer that work status plays the defining role in if the average family is going to actually need outside care for a child (of any age) that they don't feel should be left alone. I mean really in one group parents are going to be gone for 8 - 10 hours a day to work so they simply can't be the one there caring for thier kids. In the other group it is the parents job to stay home and care for the kids. The parents working outside the house have a need for outside care while the parents staying home have no need. Of course it is based on if you go away to work or not. I think people have forgotten how the heck to tell a difference between a need and a want. If a SAHP signs thier kids up for all summer daycamp because they want to do other things in the summer but don't want to either include the kid or don't eant the kids home alone then it is a want not a need. This seems so simple to me to put a yes or no answer to but thousands of post on this tell me maybe I just have to much common sense.

Some of the parents were arguing that all the parents they knew (working or SAH) sent thier kids to camps and signed them up for lots of activities to avoid having down time because children needed thier days structured all the time, even in the summer. I used to think it was just a random parent here and there that though thier 12 - 16 year old kids had to have every moment of every day formally structured and planned out. Now I am thinking I'm the odd parent out for not thinking this way.

This seems like such a crule way to raise children. Kids a generation (or two or three) ago didn't need all this structure and direct supervision at all times (especially by miidle school). Yeah camps can be fun for kids who actually like them. In general kids don't care for any kind of camps that are forced on them five days a week for 8 - 10 hours a day. It really really loses it fun nature by that point. Same goes for ubber little activities (golf, swim lessons, tennis training, tutoring, art classes, nature classes)that a parent may insist upn filling thier childs day with in order to provide all that stucture. Camp and classes used to be something you maybe got to do for a week or so in the summer if you were lucky and really wanted to. Summer used to be a time when kids could relax from structure, do their own things, enjoy a lot of pretty lazy days, wake up in the morning without a schedual and a day planned by the clock. Even kids whos parents worked didn't live with the ubber structure I am seeing parents of today put their kids through. I really don't think in the last 20 -30 years kids have changed so much they they can't function for a couple months without being on a schedual that tells them when to eat, when to pee and when to play. I think parenting has changed a lot though.

Parents have gone insane trying to cover thier childs evry waking moments with something for them to do. They do this from babyhood on up through college practically. There are classes parents can take to help them learn to schedual thier babies playtime more effectivly! They live in fear of what will happen if thier kids spend days deciding what to do and when to do it. They fear that it will be watching movies, playing video games, playing outside unsupervised or heck even just spending hours laying about with a good book. To me this sounds like heaven but for a a whole lot of parents it is terrifying. To have down time, enjoy something of your chosing without schedualing it, to in general enjoy the lazy days of summer means thier kids will get into trouble, turn out bad, or rot thier brains. To me it means my kids are learning independance, how to entertain themselves, how to manage their own time, how to fix mistakes they make on thier own and the joy of having a slow do nothing day. These things are so important. Sure as kids get older having a lot of time to do things of their chosing, especially if they have no adult home for a large amount of time regularly, can mean they get into trouble and do some stupid stuff and some really stupid stuff. Of course sometimes the best learning lessons come when we get into trouble and do stupid stuff. There is also a happy balance to be found between having every waking moment planned out for you and being allowed to run wild with no checks and balances. You don't have to go to either exteem to raise healthy happy kids. If I had to chose though, I'd go with the let run wild. I'd rather my kids have the freedom to make mistakes and learn from them, than chance that they don't have enough freedom to learn to make decisions and mistakes for themselves. I want my kids to function well in all kinds of situations as adults not stumble because someone told them to use thier own judgement, decision making and planning skills and they really had none to use. Anyone can learn to follow a schedual fairly quickly and easily (liking it is another story), but learning to use your own judgement well and effectivily is a practiced skill that you build on with time and experience. If you have always had everything planned out for you and told what to do then you can't just suddenly have good judgement and decsin making skills because someone says it is now part of life.

Todays parents seem ubber screwed up at times. Not saying I'm perfect but so many parts aren't parenting at all. They are planning and schedualing. It's just not good for the kids. Sure people (including kids) like to know what is going to be happening but not down to the minute and kids like adults really do like to do the planning of thier own time. Summer should be a kids own time as much as possible.