just stuff

So I thought I'd right how life is going along with a few gripes. Kim if you read this or have it read to you DO NOT TAKE IT PERSONALLY, if I was really upset at you I'd talk to you about it without a problem :) Oh and Danielle mind your own damn buisness!

So far my plan of a bit of regular schooling for Jason and Hailey, everyday, has worked out well. They really look forward to it and like it a lot. Of course they only like it for about an hour a day so that what we do of formal stuff. Xavier is right their in the middle of it with us. They particularly like the series of Magic Tree House books we've been reading through. Hailey is diving right into math and Jason is really reading well. It's a bit odd doing math with Hailey because she can not count in sequence beyond 11. She tries and tries but simply has not been able to get it. Jason has suddenly had a light bulb go on with words and reading. He's really enjoying discovering that he can in fact read lots of things. He's doing well in math to but it seems to bore him a bit right now. He's not much for repetative work on something he thinks he knows unless it's very short and simple.

Hannah is doing very well balancing her two schools. I think she could be doing better but that is probably just my mom high standards thinking that. I tend to hold her to pretty high standards without really realizing it. Her hardest class is her Honors History followed closely by her French. It's nice watching her be independent of me. Of course I have issues with a lot of her classwork, I would do things differently if I were in charge but I'm moving past that. I have had issues with the public school but after a letter and a few phone calls things are straightened out. Tomorrow night She goes to the homecoming dance, she has a date she is meeting there and she's wearing a real semi formal dress and shoes.

I've been dealing with a lot of pain. Back, neck, head and tooth to name just some. The neck has sent me to the ER twice and the tooth now has a partial root canal that I have to finish next week. I've also been doing PT, injections and had an MRI done for the neck. The physical therapist thinks it might be a pinched nerve, perhaps by a disk and the doctor suspects it might be as well. Not fun, but thisa is how my life goes. The older I get the worse my body gets. I don't like it one bit. It's not fair to live in a constant state of pain that very few people ever really and truly understand. Most simply don't believe the pain is what it is and that sucks even more.

We still have a ton of people living with us. I am really stressed with it for a whole lot of reasons. At times I feel like I am a mother to a handful of overgrown teenagers who perpetually act like they are 15 year olds just hanging out! That part is the absolute most frustrating and it bring me to a boiling point often. JT had a serious man to man talk with Jensen about getting a job, which means he has to actually look for one. It worked for a day! He's 21 has a child and is still acting like a child waiting for everybody to tell him how and when to do things. He sits on the couch all day playing on the computer, watching movies and chatting with Tessa, who is also behaving like she's about 15. They do nothing around here, not even pick up after themselves. Tessa leaves pop cans and her pill bottles all over the damn place. I know this situation is temporary and will pass but in the meantime I may go postal on some asses. I know it's temporary because JT is not going to allow it to go on for to much longer without giving ultimatums. I'm nice and I will wait an eternity for people to get their shit together but he is not. A few days has now turned into almost a month and another family. Oh and while I am griping, what the fuck is up with two toddlers going through a gallon of milk in twelve hours!? That is fucking insane and way to expensive for me. Ok gripe over, nobody take it personal. If I wanted people to take it to heart I'd tell you myself.

Life is never simple

I must start out by saying that I really am blessed. I've been stressed and grouchy lately because of life. This morning I did some positive thinking because I just really needed to. I discovered I have a lot to be grateful for.

I have my own house to live in. When I wake up in the morning I am in my own semi comfortable bed. I eat off of my own dishes. When I put a mug of water in the microwave it is my mug, water and microwave. I have a washer and dryer to clean my clothes any time I want. I have a car that run well and reliably. The chair I'm sitting in is my own the computer I'm using is mine. I have enough money every month to pay my bills, buy food and sometimes I even have a little extra for fun things. My children all have their own beds to sleep in and toys to play with. Everyday when they wake up they know they are home, that they will eat as much as they need and usually want and they know exactly where they will sleep that night.

Most importantly I have enough of everything I mentioned and I'm grateful enough for it all, to share it with others that aren't as lucky. I now have nine other people living in our home as well as a dog and nine cats outside in a tent, because they have nowhere else to live. This is why Hannah thinks I have lost my mind. I just can't turn people with children away. How would I feel if I had no where to sleep besides my car and everyone, including family wouldn't even let me have their floor for me or my kids to sleep on? Admittedly my yard does look a bit like a camp ground right now but it's all good in the end. I'm just glad to finally be in a position in life to be able to help at all, even if we all end up eating a ton of beans!

I need to learn to say no

Sometimes being a friend has a big price tag. I have six extra people and 11 animals staying with us right now because I am a being a friend. It is coming with a really big price tag. I'm really not sure how much more I can afford both literally and mentally. This is day 10.

I don't have any space in my home anymore. My kids don't have space either but they seem to be holding up better than I am. I'm working ten times as hard because I'm doing almost everything. I've been cooking meals for 12 people! Mess is everywhere. I have a desire to vacuum 4 times a day because I just know how icky the carpets really are. I sweep and mop and five minutes later it looks like I haven't done it for a month. Our food bill has gone crazy.

My house smells nasty. There are six people, 19 cats and a dog living in it. This is insane. It was suppose to be for a few days and now it's looking like weeks. There cats are marking all over the house. My cats are hiding. I feel like running away from home. They have nowhere else to go. Only one is working so most of them are here all day. I do almost all the cooking and cleaning. To be fair they did cook one meal, babysat one night so JT and I could get away, once they cleaned the bathrooms the dishes have been done a few times and they did buy groceries for the week (three carts of food for one week).I still had to go buy another $50 of food (plus other household stuff) to make groceries last and I probably will have to again in a day or two because feeding 12 people takes a lot of food! After that I'm not sure what to do because I'll be broke!

I say it looks like this could last weeks but really I have no idea since they haven't actually told me what there plans are. I'm feeling strained right now and I don't know how to approach them and still keep our friendship in tact because I'm just so frustrated. I want to use my washer when I want it, I want to cook normal size meals, I want to be able to sit on my couch at 3am if I feel like it, I want my house to stop smelling like a litter box (really nasty), I want my cats to feel comfortable in their own home, I want to be able to do school work with my kids without locking ourselves in the bedroom. I love my friends I really do but this is not a good thing. I'm way to nice I can't say anything and I can't turn anyone away. They have our car, are living in our home, using our stuff and tomorrow I am driving one of them to another state for a job interview! I have got to learn how to freaking say no, even if someone is in real need because it's killing me!

Our friendship isn't going to last much longer over this.