My best Christmas present

I spent my third Christmas with my sister this year. The first two I was a baby. This was memorable to say the least. It was perfect, wonderful and very jolly.

I hadn't seen my sister, Amy, in over 20 years. A long story short. There was a separation, mom took us on the train from Duluth MN to here in Ks. This was in 1975. She ended up not being able to get a divorce since it turned out the marriage wasn't legally married after all. They were very much hippies and apparently making sure the person who married you was actually legally able to do so wasn't a priority! Paul our dad (well not sure if he's mine or not), wanted us back. He eventually tracked us down and picked Amy up one day on the way to school and then called from Nebraska to tell mom he had her and was keeping her. That went over like a brick on fire. I saw my sister one more time when I was six or seven as my uncle drove a car by there place and I was told to wave at the people in the yard. We were in the area for a funeral and mom went to see them, told them her and I were moving out of the country. I don't ever remember being told who they were but Amy said I said "hi Amy" as I waived. I saw here next when I was 14 and ran away to MN. I was there about a month it ended badly, I'll leave it at that. I didn't speak to my sister again until about 4 years ago. Laws were very different back then and all of this was able to take place because neither parent had custody over the other. It was perfectly legal for either of them to take us at any point and the laws and courts simply wouldn't get involved.

This visit was the most monumental of monumental things. I really never ever thought something like this would happen. We clicked from the first moment, no awkward moments.

Imagine the most emotional, joyous and tear filled scene in any movie you have ever watched and you'll have a really good idea of what happened at the airport when we saw each other. JT videoed a bit of it but he let the camera fall asleep and it shut off!

The week has been a whirlwind of catching up. We looked at pictures and videos. We took pictures all the time. We talked about being little and together. We talked about all the crap we'd been told as kids and tried to patch together the truth. We baked and cooked a banquet of foods. we shopped and wrapped presents and drank together. I finally got to see my baby pictures and she got to catch up on a lifetime of all of my photos.

My nephew Alec is, 16, a blast and it appears he and Hannah share one half of a brain to make a whole. They are that perfect together. They hit it off from the very first second. Both are hyper, wired oddly, think way outside the box and love junk food like chocolate pie. They both also hate crowds of annoying people and have little Patience for being nice to people you just don't like at all even if they are related to you.

Christmas morning came and the tree had barfed up a room full of presents. Our mother even came over. It was a blast watching everybody open presents and seeing Amy react to the things we got her. We both went for sentimental. The kids all made out in amazing ways. Our kids got rock band as a group. The teens got MP3 players, video games and money! Hailey got her Barbie scooter and barbies, Xavier and Jason both got remote control trucks which was not planned lol. Everybody got clothes. JT gave me the Santa's workshop DVD and a very fluffy pink robe. I got him a membership to the local rocketry club and tools. My mom gave us a zoo membership. My sister gave me a very special necklace and I gave her a scrapbook and pictures of me growing up to start it with.

Christmas night was the huge family get together and command performance. Amy had never before met a lot of these people and had definitely never had the experience of a large family anything in her life. it was always just her and dad, maybe a friend or two. I only agreed to the circus for her benefit. I can't stand many of the the two faced, hypocritical family members. I've been much happier and stress free since we simply stopped going to extended family things. We all have been. It was truly hard to continue to bite my tongue that evening and I could have used some hard liquor! Great grandma was holding court and demanding to be the center of attention. she went so far as to be in a wheel chair that every single person agreed was just bullshit as she did not need one. she has a bad knee and one arm in a tight sling so walking isn't easy and she does need a cane for balance but not a damn wheel chair, and bright red at that! The kids were bored out of their minds. There isn't a toy or book anywhere in that house for them but there are tons of breakables and places they "aren't suppose to be". They also aren't suppose to be a part of the conversation or move from one spot ever. I sent them to the empty basement to at least be able to chill a bit. later I was told by my cousin the kids weren't suppose to be there. I told her if they couldn't be there we'd have to leave because they were terribly bored and overwhelmed by the wall to wall people upstairs and bored children will cause problems. She told everyone I was throwing a hissy fit (damn bitch). When Amy asked grandma (in front of everyone) if the kids weren't suppose to be down there, grandma said they were fine down there. So Amy proceeded to ask Becky if the kids could be down there what was the problem. She told her that her kids weren't to be going down there but wanted to because mine were. She wanted me to follow her parenting rules to make her parenting easier, this is why I hate getting together with this family and it is soooooo hard not to bite my tongue. Well we survived the night and Amy really did enjoy herself but said it was to crowded to really talk much with anyone.

The next day we did the big family picture that I set up. That was a bit of chaos in a ball wrapped with a big layer of happy, about to explode. There ended up being 24 of us and we finally got a picture that had all our eyes open and looking at the camera. Because of the snow storm several relatives didn't make it into town for the photo, oh well. Everybody ended up with at least one picture of the group to take home. We even purchased a copy of us where half of us were looking somewhere besides the camera just because it seemed so normal.

We took a million pictures and videos these past seven days. It all seems to have gone by to fast. The days ended much to soon. Nobody wanted to it to end. Hannah finally found family that she likes. Jason, Xavier and Hailey discovered the coolest aunt and cousin. Amy even taught Xavier to make a letter A which made him very very proud. A ton of tears were shed today as we got ready for the airport and even more while we were there. Hannah didn't go to the airport because she said it would make her cry. I know she cried anyway and just didn't want anyone to see it. I was a blubbering mess. You just can't squeeze a lifetime into a week and not be a mess at the end. I finally have my sister and It was like ripping off a part of me to say goodbye to her. For most of my life there has been this empty hole in me because I didn't have a relationship of any kind with my sister. Most of the time she was just a phantom concept. Now the hole is filled with love and joy and peace.

We are hoping to take a couple weeks and a car trip to Mn over the summer. They live on the North shore of lake Superior, beautiful country and lots of fun. Now to figure out how to afford it.

Feeling angry when I should be happy

I should be excited but I am just majorly stressed out right now. It's 6 days until Christmas and 4 days until my sister and nephew are here. Instead of wrapping up gifts or finishing the project for my sister or out looking at lights or even making cookies with the kids all I seem to have been doing is cleaning the house. I'm not having any fun and my house isn't even decorated to it's usual overdone self.

I am looking forward to seeing my sister but I feel like all my happy energy is just gone at this point. I really want to be selfish and just have it be me and her the whole time but I am having to share her with extended family that I don't even want to spend holidays with because they have treated me and my family like crap the last few years and are only being half way nice to me because they want to see Amy after 34 years. I understand that they want to see her but I'm still pissy at them over how they have treated us and the fact that they are kinda taking over Christmas day. It's a struggle not to just scream at them to leave me alone and stop telling me what's going to happen. The only reason I don't is because I know Amy wants to see them.

I'm feeling terribly overworked and under appreciated by JT and the kids. I feel like they use me as their personal cleaning and cooking service most days. despite my health and horrible pain levels I strive to always do things that put them first but it seems none of them do much of anything for me. They all leave food everywhere, can't get laundry into the hamper or trash into the can. None of them seem to know how to put a roll of toilet paper on, operate a broom, dish rag, washer or vacuum. I'm constantly on the kids to do the simple chores that they have every day and every day they give me crap and excuses about not doing them. They never ever do anything extra without a direct order. JT doesn't take care of anybody but himself and even that he doesn't always do without me telling him to. I don't get meals made for me or my dishes put in the sink. Nobody picks up my mess when I just hurt to much to move. My hobbies or even reading a book have to be squeezed in at the end of the day after I've done for everybody else and made sure all the kids are in bed and JT has had time to talk at me. We don't usually watch what I want on tv or listen to the music I'd like or even go to movies that are my first pick. I can't take a shower without being interrupted. I have to be completely responsible for all things medical and educational all the time. I'm also solely responsible for groceries, household things, and 90% of bills and budget. It's overwhelming, frustrating and depressing when nobody reciprocates anything I do in kind.

I've been so happily looking forward to this visit from my sister but now I'm afraid I'll just be angry at everybody else while she is here. This is the first Christmas we will have had together since I was a year and half old and she was 6. My mother hasn't had us in the same room with her in 33 years. When she was seven she was taken by her father. I saw her again when I was 14 for a few short weeks and we didn't talk again until about 4 years ago. It's only been in the last two years that we've become close. Every year, as a child, I asked Santa for my sister for Christmas and I never got her but this year I finally do. I don't want all this anger and frustration to surround this wonderful time. It's just very hard to not have it when I spend hours a day putting myself in pain just to clean up basic things that others could do but just won't!